Unless you’re Chris Pine or a man who spent years training as an Abercrombie model, you know that talking to women is nearly impossible. Even the simplest hello can feel like a cruel joke God decided to play on you and you alone.
Do you shake hands? Do you hug? What if you have an erection and then hug? Is that awkward? These are the dilemmas comedian Robbie Sherrard explores in his video “How to Say Hello to a Woman,” posted yesterday and quickly going viral.
In the YouTube guide, Sherrard explains the tight rope straight men have to walk when trying to make contact with the opposite sex. “Men I understand … but with women, I don’t know what I’m doing out there,” he says. “There are a lot of conditions and rules and things that you need to know.”
In order to help guys everywhere figure out the right move (handshake, hug, nod), Sherrard created a cheat sheet based on super-important criteria such as how long you’ve known the woman and whether or not you’ve been drinking.
Only problem is, his chart is super giant and totally won’t fit in your seersucker shorts’ pocket. “Now, the hardest thing about this poster is you can’t use it—you’ve got to commit the whole thing to memory and then act on it in a split second,” Sherrard explains. “I don’t think there’s an app for it. I don’t think technology is there yet.”
Well, technology is there! Knowing how important this chart is to man-kind, we recreated a copy of it here. Now go forth young men and finally say “hello” without coming off like a total creep.