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Is Kim Kardashian hot or not: The bro cave decides

'Secretary' is a way sexier movie than 'Fifty Shades of Grey'

While Alicia Menendez is off getting married, Sara Schaefer is playing her role. And, because she loves to role play, she went to go see “Fifty Shades of Grey” last night.

Here are some of the hottest parts about the film:

1. It was written by a lady.
2. It was directed by a lady.
2a. It was the biggest box office opening for a lady director – ever.
3. It was edited by a pair of ladies.
4. It starred a lady.

Unfortunately, almost everything else about it left Schaefer confused, bored, and rolling her eyes so much they almost fell out of her head.

While Schaefer was surprised that Anastasia loses her virginity to Christian Grey and within the next 24 hours is already engaging in hardcore sex, she was most surprised to find that Grey, when stripped of his wealth, chiseled abs, and expensive gifts, is really just your average balding man from middle management.

In the movie, Grey also admits that he was raped when he was 15 years old by a significantly older woman – which, to some, makes this movie not about BDSM, but about perpetuating a cycle of abuse.

Meanwhile, take a look at the 2002 film “Secretary” starring James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal. The movie, which is ultimately a love story about two people who were lost without each other, showcases what everyone hopes to find in this life: Someone who understands them, who “gets” them, and who makes them a better person while loving them unconditionally for the person they have always been.

Basically, “Secretary” depicts the beauty of two people with similar needs fulfilling their emotional, mental and physical voids — it just so happens those needs are met by BDSM.

So maybe “Secretary” should’ve been the one to introduce BDSM to mainstream culture?

'Secretary' is a way sexier movie than 'Fifty Shades of Grey'

While Alicia Menendez is off getting married, Sara Schaefer is playing her role. And, because she loves to role play, she went to go see “Fifty Shades of Grey” last night.

Here are some of the hottest parts about the film:

1. It was written by a lady.
2. It was directed by a lady.
2a. It was the biggest box office opening for a lady director – ever.
3. It was edited by a pair of ladies.
4. It starred a lady.

Unfortunately, almost everything else about it left Schaefer confused, bored, and rolling her eyes so much they almost fell out of her head.

While Schaefer was surprised that Anastasia loses her virginity to Christian Grey and within the next 24 hours is already engaging in hardcore sex, she was most surprised to find that Grey, when stripped of his wealth, chiseled abs, and expensive gifts, is really just your average balding man from middle management.

In the movie, Grey also admits that he was raped when he was 15 years old by a significantly older woman – which, to some, makes this movie not about BDSM, but about perpetuating a cycle of abuse.

Meanwhile, take a look at the 2002 film “Secretary” starring James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal. The movie, which is ultimately a love story about two people who were lost without each other, showcases what everyone hopes to find in this life: Someone who understands them, who “gets” them, and who makes them a better person while loving them unconditionally for the person they have always been.

Basically, “Secretary” depicts the beauty of two people with similar needs fulfilling their emotional, mental and physical voids — it just so happens those needs are met by BDSM.

So maybe “Secretary” should’ve been the one to introduce BDSM to mainstream culture?

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