Dear Chelsea Handler,
Ever since you announced that you’re not returning to your E! late night show, “Chelsea Lately,” there’s been lots of speculation about why you’re giving up your spot. Was it the hours? The possibility of a late night spot on broadcast? All the vodka?
Turns out we had it so, so wrong. You finally gave us an answer, allowing my curiosity to return to important matters; like, how it is mathematically possible to have two and a half men?
In an exclusive with the British website the Daily Mail Online, you explained the real reason you have to leave: “To be quite honest I don’t really care about Justin Bieber and I don’t want to talk about him anymore. In order to make that happen I had to just stop doing my show. Straight away.”
If it wasn’t enough that the Biebs had ruined a proper haircut for an entire generation of adolescent boys, you can now blame him for inspiring one of the funniest shows on TV to go off the air.
BUT–it’s not just that you aren’t a Belieber. You’re over the whole system:
“I think if you participate in the celebrity world then you don’t really have a choice but to be involved in the drama.
“You end up getting so into the mix that it changes the topics of the day. You can sit around and complain about all that s**t and the Kardashians all day but if you’re participating in it then what can you do? It really didn’t feel great doing the show and the only way to sort things out was to extricate myself from the entire situation.”
I know, I know, Chelsea. You’re right, you’re so right. But in your absence, who is going to give celebrities the straight talk they need? Because, Chelsea, you may be tired of celebrities, but we are not tired of you putting them in their place. Someone needs to.