Up Next

How Breasts Became Boobs

Man Crush Monday: An important message for Sergio Ramos

There’s some beauty you really can’t address directly – it’s like staring into the sun, so scorching hot it will literally blind you. That’s why we’re only just now tentatively broaching this man crush: Sergio Ramos.

Real Madrid CF v Rayo Vallecano de Madrid - La LigaGetty Images

We’re shielding our eyes and wiping away tears. Look, there’s his game play, which even totally hetero dudes have to admit makes them “purr with pure pleasure.”

We know what you’re thinking, the man loves his red cards – yeah? And? That just means he’s overflowing with a passion that can’t be contained!

Also who cares when he looks like this in Hugo Boss?

Or, you know, not in Hugo Boss?

Do we even talk about his excellent choices in barbering and his absolutely perfect beard-length-to-bone-structure ratio?

TURIN, ITALY - MAY 05:  Sergio Ramos of Real Madrid CF in action during the UEFA Champions League semi final match between Juventus and Real Madrid CF at Juventus Arena on May 5, 2015 in Turin, Italy.  (Photo by Marco Luzzani/Getty Images)Getty Images

TURIN, ITALY - MAY 05: Sergio Ramos of Real Madrid CF in action during the UEFA Champions League semi final match between Juventus and Real Madrid CF at Juventus Arena on May 5, 2015 in Turin, Italy. (Photo by Marco Luzzani/Getty Images)

Sergio’s utter virility is such that he’s spawned with his partner not once, but soon to be twice.

Look, Sergio, I know I recorded a lot of these Man Crush Mondays, but I saved this one for now on purpose. You have a lot of options after your career in Spanish football, and I strongly, strongly urge you to consider coming to play in the United States, where you can properly be worshipped like the god you are.

Australia v Spain: Group B - 2014 FIFA World Cup BrazilGetty Images

I know I’m personally lining up and offering my prayers now.

Man Crush Monday: An important message for Sergio Ramos

There’s some beauty you really can’t address directly – it’s like staring into the sun, so scorching hot it will literally blind you. That’s why we’re only just now tentatively broaching this man crush: Sergio Ramos.

Real Madrid CF v Rayo Vallecano de Madrid - La LigaGetty Images

We’re shielding our eyes and wiping away tears. Look, there’s his game play, which even totally hetero dudes have to admit makes them “purr with pure pleasure.”

We know what you’re thinking, the man loves his red cards – yeah? And? That just means he’s overflowing with a passion that can’t be contained!

Also who cares when he looks like this in Hugo Boss?

Or, you know, not in Hugo Boss?

Do we even talk about his excellent choices in barbering and his absolutely perfect beard-length-to-bone-structure ratio?

TURIN, ITALY - MAY 05:  Sergio Ramos of Real Madrid CF in action during the UEFA Champions League semi final match between Juventus and Real Madrid CF at Juventus Arena on May 5, 2015 in Turin, Italy.  (Photo by Marco Luzzani/Getty Images)Getty Images

TURIN, ITALY - MAY 05: Sergio Ramos of Real Madrid CF in action during the UEFA Champions League semi final match between Juventus and Real Madrid CF at Juventus Arena on May 5, 2015 in Turin, Italy. (Photo by Marco Luzzani/Getty Images)

Sergio’s utter virility is such that he’s spawned with his partner not once, but soon to be twice.

Look, Sergio, I know I recorded a lot of these Man Crush Mondays, but I saved this one for now on purpose. You have a lot of options after your career in Spanish football, and I strongly, strongly urge you to consider coming to play in the United States, where you can properly be worshipped like the god you are.

Australia v Spain: Group B - 2014 FIFA World Cup BrazilGetty Images

I know I’m personally lining up and offering my prayers now.

WHERE TO WATCH