Jozy Altidore, the former boy king of New York and New Jersey, returned to save MLS.
Yes, he’s up in Canada now, but can’ you blame him? Toronto FC hands out bags full of cash like the Canadian government gives out handfuls of free pills.
In his first game, he scored two goals. That’s as many as he scored in 70 appearances in the Premier League for Hull City and Sunderland. By our calculations, that makes the Premier League roughly 70 better than MLS.
As a counterpoint, fish and chips aren’t a real meal, pound sterling is a stupid name for money, and how can those guards protect the Queen if they aren’t allowed to move?