Perhaps you were hiding behind a bench or something on Sunday. But if you happened to miss history being made at Orlando’s Citrus Bowl, Mikkel Morgenstar Pålssønn Diskerud — the man affectionately referred to as “Mix” by much of the public and Diskerud himself — scored New York City FC’s first-ever goal in Major League Soccer. That goal, against Orlando City, etched Diskerud’s name into the very slim NYCFC record book and, uncomfortably, into European internet content management systems.
I came across the article below while perusing the interwebs this morning. Naturally, I clicked after thinking, “Dammit, if Diskerud is already out of control (and he is), European internet starting to ask questions about Camp Diskerud is only going to make things worse.”
If you have remotely decent survival instincts, your first thought should also be, “Stop it immediately, European internet.”
Let me save you a click. The article is a 101 about Mix, an introduction to Diskerud, if you will. Presumably, it’s for a European audience unaware that, until this season, Diskerud had been playing and living in Europe. Basically, it’s the LEGEND OF DISKERUD FOR PEOPLE WHO WERE UNAWARE THAT HE WAS THEIR NEIGHBOR UNTIL LAST YEAR, and it’s kind of compelling.
The legend of Mix Diskerud is already sounding like he used to raid villages with Leif Erikson. He toiled. He struggled. He grabbed opportunity with both hands and was a ruthless finisher. Are you starting to see how this is going to get out of control?
The article continues, laying out Diskerud’s biography in great detail. But, depsite a healthy word count, the article doesn’t quite capture the essence of Mix. Who is the real Mix Diskerud? Here’s what they left out:
1. Diskerud Tweets
You haven’t spoken about the essence of Diskerud if you haven’t spoken about Diskerud’s seemingly drug-fueled tweeting sessions. He tweets like he’s inspired by a Phish concert parking lot. Now, I’m not judging, but what about the children? Here’s just a quick sampling of Mix’s crazed tweets.
This is not even English. Smh.
We are creating a monster.
Or maybe we’re dealing with American soccer’s beautiful mind, here.
2. Diskerud’s luxurious hair is distracting, but America knows he’s dangerous
Now you’re fully acquainted with Mix Diskerud, European internet. Some final words: Be careful. Be very, very careful.
While we’re here, it would be selfish to withhold Diskerud’s goal against Orlando. I shouldn’t be saying this out loud, but it was pretty … very pretty.