Dante got subbed out after half an hour for not being good at soccer

Peppers gonna Pep.

Here’s the scene. Bayern Munich was half an hour into the game against Hannover 96. Dante already done fukt up to give Hannover the lead.


Pep Guardiola was playing one of his Pep specials: Three central defenders and Tommy Muller up top instead of a striker.

Xabi Alonso pulled Bayern level from a direct free kick, because he is a sexy, sexy man who is better at sex than you.

Scores level. Going into the game, Bayern was eight points clear atop the Bundesliga. Hannover hadn’t won in seven straight games.

So what did Pep Guardiola do? Naturally, he hooked Dante and threw on Bob Lewandowski.

It worked. First, Lewandowski threw his face at a defender’s boot to win a penalty. Then, Muller scored a header. Then, Bayern won. Obvs.

(Editor’s note: At the time of writing, Bayern’s merely up 3-1 in the 88th minute. But we’re going to go ahead and post this.)