Somebody should have stopped Matt Besler from starring in this commercial

Matt Besler vs. Lady Butts! The winner is: NOOOOOOOPE!

I’ve already given you a scorching hot take on Besler’s performances (*cough* in commercials *cough*) since signing his Designated Player deal with Sporting Kansas City. No need to go over that again, especially when he offers this as evidence. The bottom line is simple: Matt Besler needs to be stopped.

Somewhere along the line, we — by “we”, I mean “you” — decided that Besler was one of the best defenders in MLS and the U.S. player pool. I for one think this is a drastic over-statement and can’t wait to see him play a full season without the great Aurélien Collin. Or maybe I’m just biased against Besler because he looks like he refers to his favorite pair of pants as “chinos.”

Besler needs better people around him. Better agents, or public relations staff; better friends, or whoever it is that told him it was a good idea to do this commercial. His people, whoever they are, are living in 1992, where this commercial wouldn’t have come with a justifiably intense backlash from female fans, people with generally good taste, and those of us who believe $20 for a single pair of boxer briefs is both absurd and insulting. There is no way that the people at MeUndies have advanced scrotal comfort technology far enough to justify that price point.

On the other hand, this is about as European and “modern football” of an ad as I’ve ever seen. Maybe having an overrated defender frolic with models is a sign of progress, in that really warped sort of way that I like to mark progress: the sort of way that makes me yearn for MLS match-fixing headlines, because it would mean the league was big enough to garner the attention of organized crime.