What in the fresh blue hell is this?
“New York City All The Way,” the new club anthem anthem of New York City F.C., is the worst rap song song of 2015, other than that “Drip Drop” song from the skinny kid on “Empire.” For years, I’ve been begging for more Hip-Hop in the way Major League Soccer was imaged and presented to fans, but this isn’t what I was hoping for. Be careful what you wish for, kids. Dreams can turn sour.
This is the song that is supposed to represent the team from the Bronx: the birthplace of Hip-Hop? If Kool Herc was dead, he’d be rolling in his grave. This song is painful. It doesn’t make me want to kick off the new season, it makes me want to call the police and make sure David Villa isn’t being held hostage somewhere in the bowels of Yankee Stadium. There’s no way he participated in this willingly. City Football Group should be ashamed of themselves for taking advantage of an employee who doesn’t yet have a strong grasp of English.
To add insult to injury, NYCFC, the so-called saviors of New York City, have allowed themselves to be out-rapped by French Canadians. Two weeks ago, the staff of the Montreal Impact dropped a tribute to Nigel Reo-Coker (I know, right?) in the form of a parody of O.T. Genesis’ “Coco” — a song quite literally about a man’s overwhelming enthusiasm for distributing narcotics.* An MLS front office staff flipping coke raps into adoring theme songs is exactly what needs to happen if this it truly going to be one of the world’s top leagues by 2020, the way Don Garber claims it will. Montreal should be allowed to go into the season with a 12 point bonus.
If you want that real, MLS hot fire though (excuse me, “tho”), check out the video for our collab with KickTV, “Major League Lovin'” — the official street anthem for MLS fans everywhere — featuring the O.G. Jimmy Conrad. At least our song and Montreal’s were supposed to make you laugh. We might have to start an American soccer rap beef to settle this. If MC Sterling wants to battle, tell him where to find me, son.
* It’s important to note that the Philadelphia Union’s Maurice Edu is the real MLS off-season parody rap MVP, for using the league’s official Twitter account to turn “Coco” into an ad for league sponsor Chipotle. We see you, Mo. Hope you got a check for that.