Cristiano Ronaldo wants to sell you pricey but sexy shoes

Your favorite Portuguese Ballon d’Or winner Cristiano Ronaldo is addicted to launching things. First it was his soccer career, then underwear and t-shirts lines, and now the Real Madrid star has officially launched a brand new line of Cristiano Ronaldo shoes. And not just regular civilian shoes, these are real “save for retirement or live lavishly like Cristiano Ronaldo” shoes. I can get behind this brand.

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According to the person who signed the all-caps statement above:

CR7 FOOTWEAR IS THE LATEST ADDITION TO CRISTIANO RONALDO’S GROWING LUXURY LIFESTYLE BRAND.

THE COLLECTION REFLECTS RONALDO’S PASSION FOR STYLE, PERFORMANCE AND EXCELLENCE AND COMBINES CLASSIC & SMART-CHIC SOPHISTICATION WITH RONALDO’S UNIQUE FLAIR.

CR7 FOOTWEAR PROVIDES A RANGE OF FORMAL OPTIONS FOR THE FASHION CONSCIOUS WHO APPRECIATE PREMIUM CRAFTSMANSHIP, LUXURY MATERIALS AND A UNIQUE AESTHETIC.

THE COLLECTION PROVIDES A GLIMPSE INTO RONALDO’S PERSONAL LIFE, THE STYLE CHOICES THAT HE MAKES AND DELIVERS A DISTINCTIVE, CHIC LOOK FOR EVERY OCCASION.

EACH PIECE HAS BEEN CAREFULLY DESIGNED AND TESTED TO PROVIDE THE BEST POSSIBLE LOOK AND FIT, ALL PERSONALLY APPROVED BY CRISTIANO RONALDO.

Fair enough.

From a distance, the shoes, while on the pricey side, look pretty dope. There’s a basic line, presumably for basic people, people who like to appear causal while talking about yacht life, or people who tie sweaters around their necks without ever having an intention of putting it on.

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There also a “Premium” collection, which looks to be designed with more urban sensibilities in mind.

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Can’t you see the inspiration? The Premium line says, “I’m a casual shoe, but some of my best friends are formal shoes.”

And then there’s the “Luxury” collection, which sadly isn’t made out of 100% Cristiano Ronaldo.

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The Luxury line includes a shoe (below) that looks like a combination of a bowling ball, a new car, and the afterlife. Let me not sugarcoat this: I have to have these shoes and I wouldn’t even take a knife to them to scrape Mr. Ballon d’Or’s name off the sides. I’d wear these with pride and show them off on Facebook like they were my children and I liked them.

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The entire CR7 footwear collection is made in Portugal, which he notes was important because he believes Portuguese footwear has “a great reputation as they use the best raw materials.” Without free samples *cough, cough* it’s hard to confirm or dispute this claim. So for now, let’s take the man at his word.

To learn more about the products or to buy me gifts, check out the CR7 collection website.

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Also, these are not typos. The CR7 footwear collection ranges in price from $115 to $630. Happy shopping!

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