John Terry’s cute kids are being drawn into a PR war

Goodnight 💤👌

A photo posted by John Terry (@johnterry.26) on

Awww, isn’t this adorable? John Terry’s kids asleep, all snuggled in with the Capital One Cup and medal that their daddy just won.

Family’s a beautiful thing, isn’t it? Sharing your accomplishments with the ones you love most is probably the most fulfilling part of being a professional player. This is beautiful. This is sweet. This is …

BOOOOOOOO! This is a sham! That’s what it is! I know a staged Instagram shot when I see one.

Cuddles on the sofa with my best mate Georgie T. 💙

A photo posted by John Terry (@johnterry.26) on

John Terry is trying to pull a fast one on all of us. Chelsea is in the middle of an image crisis thanks to a handful of racists in Paris, and the ensuing discussion has reminded everyone of John Terry’s past indiscretionsalleged or otherwise. He’s using his poor kids as props to prove that he’s some wholesome family man. Nope! Not today, John Terry!

Are we even sure that these are his kids? They’re probably underpaid child actors missing valuable school time to protect Terry’s crumbling legacy. I bet they don’t even like Chelsea. The supposed daughter definity has an angry West Ham fan vibe and John Jr. there is almost certainly a Gunner – or at least his barber is. If these are his kids, Terry is probably getting a check from Capital One to slap the logo on them.

Why did John Terry get to take the Cup home, anyway? What makes him so important? That he’s team captain? Pssssshhhhhh. It’s bad enough that José Mourinho was shot down by his wife last night, the least Terry could have done is allow his boss the overnight comfort of the Capital One Cup.

If Terry can use social media to paint a picture that favors his chosen image and completely biased agenda, so can I. This man isn’t fooling me for a second. I see through his “loving dad” façade. Here’s a more accurate depiction of the version of John Terry I think of whenever he’s mentioned:

Look closely, and you’ll see the Chelsea captain leave an adoring fan of ambiguous ethnic origins hanging as he walked up to accept his medal. Did Terry see this man? Probably not. If he did, did he ignore a Chelsea supporter because of his skin color? Let’s not go there, either. All I’m saying is that this Vine isn’t staged.

Your move, John Terry. Tomorrow, post a Snapchat of you rescuing a pony from a fire or something. You’ll still be the worst.