Rio Ferdinand thinks there’s a place for him in Major League Soccer

According to the Mirror, Rio Ferdinand has decided that maybe, if we all do our homework and eat our vegetables, he will bless us poor Americans with his presence in Major League Soccer. While the tabloid offers no quotes from Ferdinand or his agents, it tells us the 36 year old — who you forgot was at QPR — “knows there will be offers from America and the Middle East on the table.”

Oh, really? This news probably comes as a shock to anyone responsible for writing checks in MLS. Perhaps Mr. Ferdinand hasn’t heard, but America’s league is beyond signing guys like him. Over-paying for famous defenders is MLS 2.5, at best. We’re already at MLS 4.0.

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If you want get paid in MLS, you better abide by the new rules: be a struggling American returning from Europe, be old and foreign (but still popular enough to maximize search engine optimization), or be young, foreign and on the fringe of a national team that’s top 5 in World Soccer Shop sales. Ferdinand is none of those things.

MLS is past the days of handing people like Ferdinand bags of cash in the hopes that civilians would actually pay money to watch a defender defend. If Rio wants a soft place to land at the end of his career, he should follow his boy Ashley Cole to Serie A. That’s the new retirement league.