Real Madrid can’t wear its black uniforms at Schalke and will have to wear its pink alternates

Bureaucracy has reared its ugly head. The game is in ruins and UEFA is once again over-stepping its bounds.

European soccer’s governing body is trying to ruin today’s Champions League action by preventing Real Madrid from utilizing the greatest and most powerful weapon in the game: its black dragon shirts. This is a crime and another attempt by UEFA to hold back small, family-based clubs like Real Madrid.

When noted fashion designer Yoji Yamamoto and adidas collaborated to create one of the most spectacular garments ever worn in any combat arena, they had no idea that they would change the balance of power in the world. Now, because of some nonsense about Madrid’s ebony excellence being too close in color to Schalke’s blue home shirt, the dragons have been caged, their ancient strength and majesty relegated to the hampers of the Santiago Bernabéu.

Which version of Cristiano Ronaldo is putting on a more powerful display here? If you answered shirtless, “Chill, son, carbs are delicious” Ronaldo, you are unqualified to talk about sports or high fashion. Dragon shirt Ronaldo is the soccer equivalent of Clark Kent basking in the glow of a warm yellow sun: An unstoppable force that can be stopped by nothing! Not Schalke, not highlights of Leo Messi’s latest boring hat trick, not that one dress Irina Shayk left behind in the closet to be a jerk. Nothing.

Une grande saison en perspective. #turfu – @_meroje – @boobaofficial

A photo posted by Karim Benzema (@karimbenzema) on

UEFA has forced El Real to wear their rarely seen pink alternates. The last time it wore these, in August of 2014, Madrid blew a two-goal lead away to Real Sociedad and lost 4-2.

Some Madridistas believe the pink uniforms are cursed. Dragon magic is real, and so are curses. Real Madrid is doomed.

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