If you want to bet on MLS Cup now, back New England, avoid LA, and you’re probably a degenerate

Two things that prove to everyone that you are a degenerate: 1) a strongly held belief that the MLS playoffs are more than a crapshoot, and 2) gambling on said crapshoot. With betting odds on MLS Cup being released by the Westgate Las Vegas SuperBook on Monday, this is the perfect time to ramble on about how being the last team standing in the playoffs in no way signifies being the best team in a given year, or how fans have been brainwashed into discrediting the Supporters Shield. But we’ll save that post for another day.

For now, let’s focus of getting you paid by some sketchy offshore website. These MLS Cup winner odds are pretty solid as far as power rankings designed to take your money’s concerned. Like all sports gambling, these odds aren’t meant to be a reflection of real probablility, but to find that sweet spot to get people to wager the most amount of money in both directions.

Let’s start with the defending champs. The LA Galaxy at 3-to-1 odds is a sucker’s bet. Landon Donovan is gone, Robbie Keane is a year older, and the mid-season addition of Steven Gerrard could possibly screw up the team’s chemistry. Worse, players struggling to understand conversations between Gerrard and Keane could be a huge source of frustration. No team in a parity-based league is worth gambling on for such a small return.

At the bottom of the sportsbook pyramid are Colorado (who you will forget exist by June), Philadelphia (eternally doomed to failure as long as Nick Sakiewicz is breathing Pennsylvanian air), Montréal (destined to be listed at the bottom of the table in French, Italian and English) and San Jose (a bigger bomb than the ones they uncovered during stadium construction). They’re all listed at 50-to-1 odds. Go ahead and bet on one of these long of shots, but if only so you can twitpick your winning ticket like Floyd Mayweather and gloat over all the haters that doubted your prognosticative genius.

Last year’s Eastern Conference champion, the New England Revolution, is listed at 8-to-1. This is the best bet on the board. Since the addition of Jermaine Jones, the Revs have been by far the best team in the league. Don’t come back at me with stats or numbers on this. Gambling is about gut instinct and things you may not remember from months past. If you’re going to wager a few mortgage payments or your child’s collegiate future, place your faith in Jay Heaps and Juan Agudelo.

That might sound crazy, but as Kelis taught us, “scared money don’t make none”.

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