Roy Hodgson refuses to make a big deal out of Jack Wilshere’s smoking

England manager Roy Hodgson weighed into the Jack Wilshere shisha pipe controversy on Thursday with an unexpected take: that shisha is bad… because it doesn’t live up to the hype.

“As an ex-cigar smoker when I tried it [shisha] I thought it was a complete nonsense, I couldn’t understand who would do it. Apart from a faint fruity taste in your mouth that was about the end of it,” he told reporters.

Even a media outlet as august as England’s Daily Telegraph couldn’t resist the temptation to load up Photoshop and go to town. Thanks: we no longer need to imagine what Hodgson looks like when he has a “faint fruity taste” in his mouth.

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It’s possible Hodgson gave up cigars when he took charge of England, since they’re traditionally smoked to celebrate notable victories.

As for the midfielder imbibing tobacco through a hookah: Hodgson’s cool with it, because these things happen in our tragically flawed, postlapsarian society, where utopian ambitions will eternally be nothing more than a (shisha) pipedream.

“If you are asking me, in an ideal world, is that an ideal thing to happen? Of course it isn’t, but we don’t live in an ideal world,” he said, before heading off for a mega vape session with Stewart Downing in the locker-rooms.