New England Revolution owner Bob Kraft met Jay Z and Kanye West but should have brought Jermaine Jones

Two men in this picture are the main contributors to the soundtrack of my angry outbursts. One of them was once cracked upside the head with a champagne bottle by Diddy. The other is simultaneously the most under- and overrated rapper of all-time.

As for the others? Well, one man has a new single that Daniel Sturridge loves. The other is the owner of Major League Soccer’s New England Revolution.

While you try to figure out which one of these wealthy men (or Big Sean) is the Revs owner, note that this photo was taken today at the pre-Grammy brunch held by Roc Nation – the sports and entertainment management company headed by Jay Z. That’s right, brunch. Jay Z has elevated himself to a status that he now eats mid-morning meals once reserved for the super-rich and all your friends with glittery cellphone cases. That’s empowerment.

It’s a beautiful picture. Kraft fits right in. He’s more at home with rappers than anywhere else. Him and Rick Ross have been tight for years. Normally, I’d be happy for him to have the honor of meeting his heroes, but someone is missing. The one and only person who could have completed this cypher: Jermaine Jones.

https://twitter.com/FriendlyFAUX/status/504079149154455552

New England midfielder Jermaine Jones, a.k.a. Jermajesty, is the perfect bridge between the strange, late-life crisis magic of Bob Kraft and the oppulence of this “Black Republican” brunch. He could have been the cool friend buffer for Kraft at the party.

Imagine the deals that could have been brokered if Jones introduced Kraft to Kanye instead of Steve Stoute. MLS could have had the best All Star Week ever this summer. Alas, we’ll be stuck with the likes of that “All About That Bass” lady, or whatever group of five tweens is tearing up the British charts these days.

Sweet baby Jesus, you made it in America, Bob. It’s great that you surround yourself with more successful friends. If you absorb all there is to learn in these encounters, you can go far. Maybe have the money to buy some grass for your Revs.

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