Cesc Fàbregas punched a bus

Of all the players in England you’d expect to have a road rage issue, how far would you travel down your list before you reached Cesc Fàbregas? Would he be in your top 50? Can you even picture him driving? He seems like the sort of guy to either be chauffered by a car service or ride a very expensive carbon fiber bike.

That’s what makes the alleged news that Fàbregas is out in those London streets whipping an Aston Martin and punching buses in the face — you read that correctly — such a pleasant surprise. It’s a good sign for Chelsea fans that he’s ready to fight off the challenge from Manchester City for the rest of the Premier League season, or at least do enough damage to their transportation that they won’t be able to make it to the stadium for a few games.

According to bus driver Martin Hughes, his No. 93 bus was cut off in traffic by some hot shot in an Aston Martin Vanquish. To avoid a collision, he had to ride the bus onto the curb, which was probably a delightful experience for anyone who happened to be enjoying an outdoor cafe. (Yes, it’s February. Just go with the visual.) Horn blasts were exchanged, and the Aston Martin driver fired off a round of profanity. Because Hughes kept it 💯 at all times and doesn’t appreciate people playing around with his job, he got out of his bus to confront the other driver.

After knocking on the window of the $280,000 car, Hughes recognized Fàbregas and said, “I know you and I’ve got it all on camera – and by the way, you’re a shit footballer.” Fàbregas, terrified by being confronted by the very face of the working class, drove off. That is, until the Spirit of Keeping It Real struck again, took over his sense of good judgement and made him stop abruptly get out of his car to confront Hughes’s bus.

In his version of the story, Hughes doesn’t say there was any physical conflict between he and Fàbregas. Instead, the midfielder thought the right move was to walk up to that No. 93 bus — a double-decker, of course — and punch its windshield.

Of the seemingly infinite number of things Fàbregas could have chosen to do, that was probably the least effective. You’d think a playmaking midfielder like him would be better at making critical decisions under pressure. Hopefully the incident is on tape, and José Mourinho will make him sit and review it at Cobham.

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