Man Crush Monday: Olivier Giroud finishes every other other time

It’s time for an incredibly detailed look at this week’s Man Crush Monday, Arsenal striker Olivier Giroud. Ladies (and men!) you’re going to enjoy this. I mean, that name just rolls off the tongue like sex, “Olivierrrrr.”

Do we begin with his carefully calibrated muscle frame, a near-aesthetically perfect combination of form and function? Or should we start with his tasteful distribution of tattoos, a three-quarter sleeve that says I’m bad, but 25 percent not? Or his meticulously barbered haircut designed to perfectly frame that fine, Gallic bone structure? It’s like a hairstyle that says, I’m fastidious on the outside but probably have all kinds of pent-up issues I need you to loosen up.

Look what comes up when you Google image search him.

Wait, who’s Jennifer? His wife? And who’s Celia Kay? Oh, the girl who posted a picture of his banana hammock from a hotel room the night before a game.

Ugh, okay, moving on.

He’s generally a calm player, but there was that pesky little incident last December when he headbutted Nedum Onuoha. USA Today called it, “The stupidest red card.” Whew, anger pheromones.

But overall he’s done pretty well for himself this season, scoring some five goals across 10 appearances in the Premier League – I’m not a math woman but finishing every other time sounds pretty darn good.

He recently said he’s modeled his career after the Ukrainian great Andriy Shevchenko. Keep shooting for the moon like that, Olivier. Even if you fall, maybe you’ll land on me.