Tony Pulis to row from London to Paris, but not to escape relegation

Noted emotional R&B album cover model Tony Pulis is set to add another impressive section to the “Interests” section of his resumé. The newly installed West Brom manager ready to get in some sort of aquatic vehicle and row from London’s Tower Bridge to the Eiffel Tower — on purpose.

Pulis — who is no stranger to outrageous feats of physical fitness, having already climbed Kilimanjaro — will attempt the voyage this summer in an effort to garner attention and donations for the Donna Louise Trust, a children’s charity he has worked with several times in the last few years.

“I have done two marathons, climbed Kilimanjaro, cycled from John O’Groats to Lands End, but I have never done anything on the sea. Do I get seasick? I’ll let you know. There are two teams which take it in turns. Row for two hours, rest for two hours. We go ­continuously for seven days.

“The sleep deprivation is what worries me. I am quite a good sleeper so to not get that, that’s my biggest concern.”

Since humans are generally terrible, several will probably point out that Pulis’s training for the row doesn’t have the best timing as West Brom are currently 15th in the Premier League, only two points clear of the relegation zone.

Pulis, however, has strong forecasting abilities, and has already said, “I didn’t do anything last year when I was at Palace, but this year they rang me up. I couldn’t say no. With all the stuff I have just jumped into, it’s going to be pretty tough.”

He’s got a TV set up near his rowing machine to watch team videos while he gets in shape. What else does a coach need, really? What’s the worst that could happen? English Channel sharks aren’t even swimming this time of year. Pulis will be fine. Besides, if he’s so distracted from his day job that West Brom spend a year in the Championship, would their fans even notice?

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