Michael Owen’s new whiskey ad is Lost In Translation bad

As of October 2014, Michael Owen had seen eight movies in his life.

Owen, the most boring human in existence, finds films boring. In August, the Guardian revealed five of the movies he’s seen. They are:

1. Rocky
2. Jurassic Park
3. Cool Runnings
4. Ghost
5. Heat

We don’t know what the most recent three are, but it’s safe to assume Lost In Translation wasn’t one. Because he just accidentally channeled Bill Murray’s character from that movie real hard in the above advertisement for Spey Whisky.

This is nothing new. For years (decades?), celebrities have accepted mounds of cash to endorse products in Asia. I used to live in Malaysia; I’d walk around the mall, and oh look there’s George Clooney selling me a watch. There’s Scarlett Joe suggesting a brand of perfume. It’s also nothing new that, thanks to the Internet, Westerners get to see these awful ads and laugh at the celebrity who thought she was being discrete.

In Lost In Translation, Murray plays a celebrity doing a godawful ad for whiskey. Michael Owen plays that in real life. It’s a shame he won’t understand the parallels.

Here’s a longer version of the ad.

Here’s several observations about this advertisement:

1. According to Urban Dic, “spey” is a shortened version of respect. No one involved in this ad has any.
2. If you pause on the bottle, you can see that Spey, a single malt scotch, is from the Speyside Distillery, which is in Scotland. The same distillery also makes Glenfiddich.
3. Owen is drinking out of a whiskey snifter. At first glance I thought it was a champagne flute and was going to rail into him for not using a tumbler. But now I can’t. And then I remembered that I’m a 28-year-old adult who still drinks alcohol out of a red solo cup on occasion, so I figured it best to keep my head down.
4. Here’s an actual line from the ad: “This Spey whiskey is aging in deep slumber in this very barrel.”
5. Here’s an actual line from the short version: “Every time I step into the ring, the spirit of the warrior courses through me.”
6. “Keep the secret” is perhaps the worst advertising campaign ever invented.

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