Death rumors are like transfer rumors for non-soccer people. Their proliferation is how you know you’ve made a mark on the world. Until you’ve gone quiet for a while and people assume you’re dead, you haven’t truly made it. Maybe you’re just taking a vacation or a breather from social media – it doesn’t matter. People respect the audacious manner in which you live and assume your absence is the result of an untimely demise.
Former Cuban president Fidel Castro is a first ballot Death Rumor Hall of Famer. He’s been falsely killed off more times than Kenny on South Park, but evidence suggests he’s immortal. Twinkies, promotion/relegation debates and Fidel Castro: things that will live on longer than anyone reading this.
In an effort to prove that he is, in fact, still alive and kickin’, Mr. Castro sent a four-page letter to one of the world’s foremost diplomats and general ambassador of important stuff, Diego Maradona. Castro hasn’t appeared in public in over a year, nor has he released any official statements in three months. But as state television network Telesur reports, the first stop on his comeback tour was Maradona’s mailbox. No one has been able to verify how long ago the letter was actually written, since no one quite remembers how non-electronic mail works.
Maradona is currently in Cuba filming the second season of his television show, De Zurda, which airs on Telesur. He declined to go into specific details about what was written on the letter, but said, “Look, when you talk about death, I get goosebumps. If I have to be the person who said Fidel sent me this letter, I will say so. Fidel is very well.” Very well. Relative to whom? We don’t know.