Romário is a Brazilian legend who appears to be dating a 19-year-old

Romário, who’s probably still trying to pad his goal total in Turkmenistan, was born in 1966. If “Dixie Pratt” (-_-) is really 19, then she was born …


Former Brazilian player, Romario and former Argentine footballer, Diego Maradona during a meeting in eastern Sao Paulo.

Really makes you wonder what this conversation was about. Actually, no. I don’t want to know. In fact, I’ll assume it’s nothing anyone should know, ever.

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At the same time, this whole Romário business has me very conflicted. While searching for Romário images for this story, I came across a ton of pictures and stories that make him seem like a pretty good guy. He’s served in Brazil’s congress and spoke out against the country’s expenditures in the lead up to the World Cup. He spearheaded a program that gave 500 tickets to every World Cup match to handicapped fans and low-income families. He’s a big family man, and that picture with his PYT (still nasty) is from a big trip to Aruba with seemingly every smiling person he knows.

Ta ruim?!??

A photo posted by Romário Faria (@romariofaria) on

Damn. This job is hard sometimes. I have to get these jokes off, but Romário might be some kind of superhero. I can’t clown him like this.

After seeing his other side, how can I mention how gross it is that he might be taking Young Dixie out for Happy Meals? How does Grant Wahl deal with shit like this?

I don’t have answers. All I know is this song will be in my head for the rest of the night.