Dortmund says it would never fire Klopp, probably hasn’t thought it out

“We will never sack Jürgen Klopp. He has a lot of merits at the club. It will never come to a confrontational situation with him.”

Never? Really? Those are the words of Borussia Dortmund chief executive Hans-Joachim Watzke, speaking to Sport Bild. It’s a bold statement from a club official. Unbelievably bold, really. There has to be some scenario that gets Klopp booted from the club, right? As it is, BVB is 17th in the Bundesliga. Goodwill is a wonderful thing, but there has to be a limit.

  • What if he started following a “Bayern be like…” meme account on Instagram and favoriting like he was in some kind of frenzy.
  • What if Der Spiegel discovered Jurgen was getting a commission on Marco Reus’s impending property purchase in Madrid?
  • What if those glasses aren’t prescription but a diss to Dortmund’s famous “hipster” component?
  • What if he constantly told Neven Subotić, “They would have loved you like Mix Diskerud” while cackling like a madman.
  • What if his New Year’s resolution was to develop a huge 1970s porn habit, predatory mustache included?
  • Or what if he became notorious for picking his teeth at the training room table after lunch? What if it just got gross?

On the other hand, maybe this means Jürgen Klopp is minutes away from being fired. “Dreaded vote of confidence” and all that. If I were about to alter Klopp’s employment status for the worse, I’d be publicly coy about it, too. Wouldn’t want ol’ crazy eyes Jürgy standing at my office door with a newspaper printouts of my inflammatory quotes, looking for answers.

That might be the answer. “It will never come to a confrontational situation with him” is Watzke’s way of saying, “Listen, man, I don’t want those problems.” Can’t blame him.

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