There’s no stopping Tim Howard. Ever.

Brad Guzan’s nightmare scenario was confirmed over the weekend when Howard said he’s hoping to play for the U.S. in the 2018 World Cup.

Inspired by the buzz of his incredible performance against Belgium last summer, Howard wants to carry on. And on. And on.

“My muscles will be much more unforgiving,” he told ABC News. “This group in 2014 inspired me to want to go to 2018 because the group was just amazing. The ride we went on was incredible and I want to be a part of that again, you know? It was special.”

Surely Guzan must’ve assumed that by the time 2018 arrived, he’d finally get a chance to shine. Howard will be 39 by the start of the 2018 tournament; Guzan just 33. It’s possible that nature will take its course. By then, Howard could be reserve goalkeeper at Wigan, or chilling in the sands with Al-Ahli. But if 2018 rolls around and the status is still quo, there are a couple of alternative scenarios Guzan may wish to consider in order to get his day in the Russian sun.

  • By 2018, Howard’s facial hair is so large it covers his entire head, allowing Guzan to slip on a fake beard, lock Howard in the locker-room just before kick-off, steal his jersey and take his place in the line-up without anyone realizing.
  • Guzan hires Tonya Harding for advice on gaining a, uh, competitive advantage over a rival.
  • An “independent” analysis for U.S. Soccer concludes that all 16 of Howard’s saves against Belgium were in fact really easy, and most of the shots were hit directly at his chest.
  • Brad Friedel steps in, writing a heartfelt letter of recommendation for Guzan. The United States’ coach is swayed and elects to drop Howard.

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