Ever since I was a wee lad, I dreamed of having my own statue in a town square. I would sit for hours going over the logistics. How tall should it be? What clothes would be appropriate? How does one even get fitted for a statue?
But as the years passed, it seemed less and less likely that I would get my statue. I haven’t given up; anything is possible. But I’ve reached a point where I’ve decided to focus on other things, like watching soccer, mustache appreciation, and writing Yelp reviews for places I’ve never visited.
Thankfully, Cristiano Ronaldo exists. So while I may not ever realize my dreams, Cristiano will, and I can live vicariously through his eyebrows.
Today, Cristiano Ronaldo unveiled a statue of Cristiano Ronaldo in his hometown of Funchal, on the island of Madeira. The statue is at the Cristiano Ronaldo museum, which opened a year ago. Obviously.
On the road to today’s unveiling, several of my childhood questions were answered. One of the questions — How does one even get fitted for a statue? — was answered in a way that gave me limitless joy. Now, thanks to Cristiano, I know how to do that.
Here’s video of Cristiano unveiling himself. You decide if you think the proportions are accurate. That’s not my area of expertise. I’m comfortable leaving that to the internet wolves to decide.