Jozy Altidore tried to score a goal with his butt, is what we’re going to call this

“Here it comes. This is it. Nobody … not even close to me … all I have to do is NOT sit on the ball. Just don’t hit this cross with my ass, and I’ll show theeeem THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT ….

Fuck. This is going to be on Sportscenter, isn’t it?”