Alan Pardew’s Newcastle somehow finds a way to pause Jose Mourinho’s ego

Here’s the thing: Up until this morning, Chelsea were bullish, on the brink of going the entire Premier League season undefeated. Arsenal’s 2003-2004-season accomplishment — a 49-game unbeaten streak — was in jeopardy. The story was all about Chelsea. And Arsenal. If you looked at social media, it was almost as if Chelsea’s opponent, “Alan Pardew presents: Newcastle” (similar to “Tyler Perry presents: [whatever],” only slightly worse), didn’t exist.

But while Chelsea were focusing on their faux-opponent, “Alan Pardew presents: Newcastle” inexplicably put two goals past a hapless Jose Mourinho’s ego, causing “Alan Pardew presents: Newcastle” to act like this:

And this (1-0):

And that was because of Papiss Cissé doing this:

And this (2-0):

The final was 2-1 to “Alan Pardew presents: Newcastle.” Geordies around the world probably rejoiced. And Arsenal fans, unaware that they would be losing by three goals to Stoke City and hour later, were pleased that the accomplishments of an Arsenal team 10 years ago remained unblemished.


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