Creepin’ on the `Gram: Southampton/England defender Nathaniel Clyne

It’s a tense week in Southampton, a team that’s quickly becoming subject to the Laws of Schedule Mathematics. The Saints, second in England coming into the weekend, are in the midst of a hell week that put them up against Manchester City on Sunday (a 3-0 loss), Arsenal today and Manchester United on Monday. There’s a strong chance we won’t care about Southampton by this time next week, so let’s show them some love now.

That brings us to defender Nathaniel Clyne. His Instagram is a microcosm of everything his club symbolizes at the moment. The young England international is on the fringe of being someone who would post himself singing Rich Gang “Lifestyle” in a Benz, but he isn’t quite there yet. He’s got a nice footballer starter kit going, but much like Southampton, he still has some money to spend before we can take him too seriously.

To the `Gram:


A photo posted by Nathaniel Clyne (@nathaniel_clyne) on

The first step to being a serious player is having a closet that’s at least 35 percent leather. That doesn’t include jackets. They’re too easy. You need black leather versions of things that no practical person would own. Black leather shirts are a must.

In time, Clyne will feel comfortable enough to go full-footballer and rock some leather jogger pants. Note the all-black gear with the red shoes, though. It’s a little 2013, but it’s still a strong look for a player on the come up.

#miami #fountainbleau last day 😩☀️💦

A photo posted by Nathaniel Clyne (@nathaniel_clyne) on

If there’s one thing I know from personal experience, it’s Miami Beach is where you go when you’re rehearsing for a future life as a true baller. It’s the warm up stage of Ibiza, Monaco, Dubai or some other ridiculous place. You literally get your feet wet and learn how the obnoxiously wealthy operate.

Nathaniel Clyne is showing serious potential. The Soccer Gods team is right in that neighborhood, Nathaniel. Next time, holler at us, and we can compare notes.

Quick little cheeky shop in Giuseppe Zanotti😏

A photo posted by Nathaniel Clyne (@nathaniel_clyne) on

Subtle, but strong, the “Oh, is there a camera here? I’m just out shopping for designer things. Mad casual. Ignore the fact that this is posted to my personal account, I had no idea I was being photographed” shot is always a good look. Very professional. The filter looks like someone spilled a glass of rosé on the picture. Elegant.

Fresh👣😎 #OoohhhKillEmm

A photo posted by Nathaniel Clyne (@nathaniel_clyne) on

This is big. A floor shot of shoes that I’m sure Clyne knows damn good and well are ugly, but he shows them off because they’re exclusive. That’s why you play soccer – to buy awful things that you don’t need. The added flex of having his own jersey draped in the background is a class touch.


A photo posted by Nathaniel Clyne (@nathaniel_clyne) on

There it is! Nathaniel Clyne’s Instagram masterpiece. The surest sign that he will be a star and possibly captain the Three Lions someday. He jumped right over the Range Rover and straight for a Bentley GT. We’ll assume this is actually his.

The icing on the cake his caption: “Started”. He doesn’t have to finish the line, you know what it is. If you have any chance of appearing in the Champions League, you have to be ready to quote Drake on social media at least six times a year.

Southampton is holding Nathaniel Clyne back. He’s ready for bigger and better things. He’s not quite win-the-league good, but he Instagrams well enough to flirt with European competition.

Make the phone call, Arsenal. January is approaching.

Hit up our Twitter to tell us who we should creep on next. We’ve got a lot of time … and these accounts aren’t going to be public forever. Until then, here’s our history creepin’ on these `grams.


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