U.S. men’s national team players are predictably poor at half court basketball shots

Soccer players doin’ stuff that isn’t soccer!

While in London training at Tottenham’s facilities, members of the U.S. men’s national joined up with NBA Europe to take the Halfcourt Challenge, in a sort of whacky “Watch them not use their feet!” sort of way. Even if basketball is what none of them are paid to do, I think it’s fair to judge them all on form and results.

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Alejandro Bedoya a cocky little somebody, isn’t he? Look at this face. As soon as he shouted out the Miami Heat and claimed to be a pre-LeBron fan, he was finished. That level of smugness got the only score it deserved: 0-for-5.

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The Chicago Bulls is a really strong choice for Brad Guzan. He could be the logo.

Guzan looks like he could have a solid big man game. He’d be a good rebounder, but I definitely didn’t expect him to do ballet leaps as he took these shots. D

isappointing, Brad. Another 0-for-5. I’m worried about America’s future status as a superpower.

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The OG, DaMarcus Beasley was up next. I already now what you’re thinking, but don’t put that kind of cultural pressure on him. That’s not fair.

Beasley definitely had the best form in the group. He seems like the kind of dude that would hit a jumper in your eye and leave is hand up in the follow-through. Too bad that technique didn’t help him from halfcourt. America is 0-for-15.

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I would have bet money that Geoff Cameron had never touched a basketball in his life. Maybe he hasn’t. Regardless, he is the savior of a nation. With the United States last shot and democracy on the line, Cameron came through in the clutch.

A collective 5 percent shooting percentage? Good enough! USA! USA! USA!

This was an alarming and eye-opening experience, overall. USA Basketball will just have to figure out why we aren’t developing better talent. It probably starts all the way down in the youth systems.

At the very least, we got the answer to the eternal question of what would happen if America’s best soccer players chose basketball instead. We’d be awful. At least, if basketball was defined by shooting from 47 feet.