Why you shouldn’t care about Chelsea laying waste to Roberto Di Matteo’s Schalke

It wasn’t an easy day at the office for Schalke manager Roberto Di Matteo. It was already going to be a slightly awkward and highly stressful day as the team he used to both play for and manage was coming to his workplace to make him look like an incompetent buffoon in front of his new co-workers. But the 5-0 scolding that Jose Mourinho’s Chelsea delivered to Di Matteo’s “team” at the Veltins-Arena added a little more disrespect to an already difficult day. It was that old proverbial cherry on top, if that cherry was made out of rotting microwave dinner leftovers.

It all started with English John Terry getting on the end of a corner in the second minute of the contest. Two minutes. Two minutes, that’s all it took for tears to form in my eyes, because I knew in my gut that I was about to witness the tarnishing of the reputation of a great man who had given his all to Chelsea en route to its first Champions League title.

Two goals later, Schalke, probably feeling left out on the fun, joined forces with Chelsea to score a traitorous own goal, heaping even more shame onto Di Matteo’s shoulders. I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to hold it together.

Other goals were scored, obviously, and it was basically raining sadness in Gelsenkirchen. How would I cope? How would Bert Di Matteo cope? What about the children?

I was overwhelmed. But then I came across a piece of information that had slipped my mind. According to The Telegraph, per one of those great “it is believed” sentences: “It is believed that Di Matteo was still paid £130,000 a week for the remainder of his Chelsea contract until June this year while he was out of work.”

I read the sentence again. They were the same words in the same order as the first time I read them. That’s when I thought, if that’s the case, I have zero sympathy for the plight of Roberto Di Matteo, because he was fired from Chelsea in November 2012. That’s £130,000 a week from November 2012 until June 2014, for not working.

I can’t believe I wasted emotions on this man.

*walks into traffic*