#SG25 No. 4 — Andrea Pirlo: The boyfriend

Juventus v Olympiacos FC - UEFA Champions League

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We all know at least 10 people who wake up each morning and, before they brush their teeth or seek any nourishment, kiss their two fingers and gently press them onto the mouth of a picture of a bearded man hanging on a wall beside their beds. That bearded man is, of course, Italian midfielder-general-philosopher Andrea Pirlo. And you’re probably one of those people kissing their fingers.

Pirlo is one of those non-player players. You know what we mean. He’s in the category of not-hulking, not particularly tall, not particularly fast. He has nothing that would convince you that he, as a man running around a field, has anything special to offer you. Until you drop a ball at his feet. That’s when you start wanting to bottle his sophistication.

Pirlo is the antithesis of the American stereotype of what a player should be. He’s not the athlete, but he has everything else that the truly cultured, world-class playmakers have. He seems to have eyes all around his head, his touch is sublime and he can ping a pass 40 yards on a first touch as if it was an afterthought. He’s one of those rare players who seems to slow down while people run around frantically chasing dreams, all while humming classical music and floating through games, effortlessly pulling strings.

The man is a walking symphony. Don’t take our word for it. Listen to Thierry Henry.

But is this man even real? This is the question cuts to the heart of the Pirlo enigma. Does he have emotions like the rest of us? How does he function in the real world?

Ultimately, Pirlo is whatever you want him to be, even is you’ll never know if he approves. Be it given or taken, he has not time for feedback. He doesn’t even have time to pass judgement.

When you add that Pirlo aura to his World Cup trophy, five Serie A titles, two Champions League titles, and countless other club and individual honors, you start to understand why you have to watch the man. Not just play, but watch him exist.

You may never know what’s going to happen next, but if you miss it, you’re going to regret it.


*kisses fingers and touches picture*

The Fake numbers

Player Game play Social Media Fashion Social Life Misc. Talent Personal #Brand TCI Score
Andrea Pirlo 8.6 8.8 8.0 7.0 8.0 10.0 85.40
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