Euro 2016’s mascot found the Adderrall

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Bonjour, world! I’m the new Euro 2016 mascot and I’m eight and I’m French and I love soccer so so much because everybody plays, like, amazing and oh my god I can’t believe this is happening to me!

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OK! So I Love Soccer So Much! My Mom Made Me This Costume For Halloween!! And I’m A Soccer Super Hero Who Flies From Game To Game And Scores The Winning Goal And Then Flies Away But Not Before Everybody Says How Good I Am At Soccer!!! And Oh My Good I Can’t Believe I’m The Mascot For Euro 2016!

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SO THE ONLY THING I DIDN’T LIKE ABOUT HALLOWEEN WAS MAMA DIDN’T LET ME EAT MY CANDY BECAUSE ON THE WAY HOME I HAD SOME CHOCOLATE THEN KNOCKED A LADY OFF A VESPA AND DROVE IT AROUND PARIS UNTIL MY BLOOD SUGAR RETURNED TO NORMAL AND I PASSED OUT AND I THINK I DON’T KNOW BUT WHEN I WOKE UP ALL MY CANDY WAS GONE AND MAMA SAID I’M GOING TO GRANDMA’S FOR A WHILE.

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MYFAVORITEPLAYERISPAULPOGBAMYFAVORITEPLAYERISKARIMBENZEMA
MYFAVORITEPLAYERISMATHIEUDEBUCHYMYFAVORITEPLAYERISANTOINE
GRIEZMANMYFAVORITEPLAYERISMATHIEUVALBUENAMYFAVORITEPLAYER
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LAYERISHUGOLLORISIDONTLIKEFRANCKRIBERYHELPHELPHELPHELP

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let them embrace the noise.
the static will overtake them.
the will of the people can not be denied.
with numbers, the future can't fail.

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Chucky’s attention-starved little brother was named Euro 2016’s mascot today. You can help name him on UEFA’s website. Enjoy your nightmares.

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