Medi Abalimba, a man who is definitely not Gaël Kakuta, was arrested and sentenced to four years in prison for pretending to be Gaël Kakuta.
Abalimba crafted himself a fairly elegant and expensive fantasy life, using info from American Express cards he stole or photographed from a gym he broke into with a stolen skeleton key. That’s an impressive amount of crime. Layered crime, if you will. His biggest victim was Rayo Vallecano (on loan from Chelsea) winger Gaël Kakuta.
Abalimba would call different business claiming to be Kakuta’s agent and later show up to places, claiming to be the player. He is said to have spent 20,000 pounds at upscale department store Selfridges — showing off soccer skills while shopping — where he helped himself to untold cable-knit sweaters, expensive new digital cameras that look old to make him seem more interesting, and these very necessary snake skin UGG slippers. I assume. Otherwise, what’s the point.
There were chauffeured Bentleys, free meals and 2,600 pounds worth of champagne. (That’s it? That’s only a strong lunch’s worth of champagne when someone else is paying.) It was all on poor Kakuta’s unsuspecting dime.
He once flew four women to Manchester on a helicopter and crashed at an £800-per-night mansion in Berkshire. Abalimba was living out a bad rap video from 1997. For free! He was ballin’ out without having to go through all the nonsense like actually playing a sport. This man had the free credit of a French international. He was skipping life steps and living dreams.
The dark comedy here is that Abalimba was, himself, a professional player at one point. In 2009, he joined Derby County for over 1 million pounds but never caught on. He also spent time with Oldham Athletic, Southend United, Fulham and Crystal Palace.
How long did this go on for before Kakuta noticed thousands of pounds in charges that he hadn’t racked up? Was Kakuta himself so “about that life” that a 2,600-pound Ace of Spades bill could show up and he was just like “Yup, Wednesday” and kept it moving? Seems like that was the case. Applaud that man, too.
Medi Abalimba got a taste of the good life and couldn’t let go. Can’t blame him. Free shrimp is delicious.
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