Bruno Alves kicked some fool in the back during today's Galatasaray-Fenerbahçe derby

Today gave us another edition of the Kıtalararası Derbi* between Galatasaray and Fenerbaçe. Obviously this is a wildly important game for fans of both clubs and the general landscape of Turkish soccer, but I’d prefer to focus on the bigger picture …

… like whatever it is Bruno Alves thought he was doing here:

I could easily dedicate all of next week to investigating this clip. It’s beautiful. There is no reasonable scenario or possible physical happenstance that calls for Bruno Alves’s foot to find itself name-high on the back of an opponent’s jersey, yet there it is, shimmering under the stadium lights – planted like the flag of a proud exploratory nation in to the soil of a soon-to-be colonized land. Alves received a red card for the “foul”, but the referee should have had another color available to commemorate such a special occasion.

The game did end with few moments worthy of the clubs’ storied rivalry, such as Wesley Sneijder scoring this late winner for Galatasaray:

But that wasn’t the game’s best moment, nor was Sneijder its biggest star. That distinction belongs to Felipe Melo, for his reaction to the goal:

Somehow more majestic than Bruno Alves’ martial arts exhibition and more important than the goal itself, Melo’s celebration is pure joy. That man wanted a win, and he got one, thanks to Sneijder Claus.

To quiet any doubt that he was the true man of the match, Melo followed his bench performance with this gem in the tunnel on the way to the locker room. That’s a solid day’s work.

*I didn’t look that up. Totally knew it already. Even knew it translated to “Intercontinental Derby.”

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