Because we were dying for that connection between Gareth Bale and porn

There’s always someone who has to go and spoil it all by taking things too far, isn’t there?

Take Gareth Bale’s “eleven of hearts” goal celebration. It’s just a sweet, innocent, harmless, cute little bit of fun … that the Real Madrid attacker last year trademarked through the UK Intellectual Property Office so that he can use the universal symbol of love to shift own-brand T-shirts and coffee mugs, or whatever, and make even more money.

So far, so modern soccer. But now (via @andi_thomas) a company called PornHub, which Soccer Gods previously had never heard of but has now researched thoroughly at home alone in our bedroom (it’s called professionalism), has used a Bale-style hand gesture to imply a different sort of action … one that, let’s say, is a little less romantic.

After putting up what can only be described as a massive erection in Times Square, it was reported that the billboard was tossed off its high-profile position – after the suspected objections of a hotel, rather than the Welsh wizard’s patent attorneys.

As for the slogan, “All You Need Is Hand”: we’ve reached out through a medium into the spirit world for a comment from the ghost of John Lennon and are waiting to hear back.

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