David Beckham has a $60 whiskey to add to his portfolio of ridiculous products

There comes a time in a drinker’s life when he wants to move on from lager, settle back in a comfortable chair, and enjoy something more sophisticated. And get paid handsomely for it, if you’re David Beckham.

The product salesman and former part-time L.A. Galaxy player recently launched Haig Club single-grain Scotch whiskey, Yahoo! reported.

Is it any good? With Beckham involved, we’re betting it tastes like he played: notes of sweat, with good consistency, a sharp finish and generally elegant characteristics undermined by surprising hints of aggression. But since it costs more than $60 a bottle, we’re too cheap to find out. You could get, like, 96 cans of Pabst for that price.

They say that the great players never lose their touch. Aged 39, 18 months after his retirement from soccer and eight years after he came to America and invented MLS, it’s good to see that Beckham is still a branding titan.

Let’s ignore the uncomfortable mixed messaging any time a competition or athlete endorses an unhealthy product, like alcohol or junk food. They’re hawking stuff through personal charisma founded on athletic deeds that would most certainly not have been achieved had they actually spent their youth downing intoxicants and munching junk food. But we long for the day when a star player offered the fast-food cash tells them where to shove the money and does a series of quinoa spots instead.

Five of Beckham’s finest non-underwear endorsements:

Go 3 Omega 3 Fish Fingers: The box shows Beckham giving a plate of fish fingers the eye. “As a Dad I know how hard it is to get kids to eat the right things,” said the man who’s been a mouthpiece for a British chips company and Pepsi.

Tokyo Beauty Center: Lounging in a hammock with Victoria in the background, a ball is kicked at a semi-naked, deity-like Beckham by a bunch of kids who’ve appeared from nowhere. After initially looking like he might strike down the children with a bolt of lightning, everyone enjoys a scrimmage in the sand. The director aimed for cute; got creepy.

Go! Go! Beckham! Adventure on Soccer Island: We’re assuming he approved his name for this Game Boy Advance platform game released in 2002. IGN describes the plot: “The nefarious Mister Woe has taken over Soccer Island, stealing all ‘precious things’, and turning all animals into monsters. David Beckham must clear each world and defeat Mister Woe to restore peace to the island.”

Sharpie: The marker-makers made Beckham the brand’s global ambassador in 2008, because he loves signing autographs. Strangely the firm never took their relationship with him to the logical next step by launching a range of tattoo inks.

Meiji Chocolate: In this ad we learn that when sizing up a free kick, Beckham is not visualizing the trajectory of the ball. He’s thinking about eating Japanese chocolate-coated nuts.

The Soccer Gods have a new place where we keep all of our quick hits. You are one click away from … Blog.

FIND FUSION

Here’s where you can catch us on TV:

Want to know what’s on right now? Head over to our show lineup page.

WHERE TO WATCH