Alexis Sánchez was the wrong kind of violent, failed at punching Ivanovic in the head

Alexis Sánchez was the wrong kind of violent


There are people in this world who would tell you that violence is never the answer, or violence never solves anything. Those people are fools, as only a fool would espouse a philosophy with those kinds of absolutes. Violence absolutely has its place and value. Without violence, how are we meant to properly express ourselves over big issues like spilled drinks and Prince vs. Michael Jackson debates?

This weekend, Alexis Sánchez did the unthinkable: he took Violence’s name in vain. In an awkward sideline scrap with Chelsea’s Branislav Ivanovic, Sánchez grabbed his opponent (loosely), tried to pull him down by the shirt (failed) and attempted what I guess we’ll call a right-hook aimed at the back of Ivanovic’s head. For his transgressions, Sánchez must be brought in front of the English FA.

If society is to progress and achieve our collective utopian dream, inter-personal physical conflict must be treated with the reverence the artform deserves. If Sánchez wants to be the sort of player who fancies himself an on-field combatant, he’ll have to learn to pick his spots better and wait for more justifiable moments to “free the beast.” Tactically, he’ll have to do a hell of a lot less flailing, and for the love of Vinnie Jones, plant his feet firmly before taking such wide swings.

Violence has its time and place. It’s the unspoken – or really loudly spoken – force that keeps us honest and prevents of from devolving into a world of habitual line-steppers. What Alexis Sánchez did was display a blatant disregard for the course of human history. By being violent against another man in such poor form, he devalued one of the pillars of the human experience. The Grand Architect gave you knuckles for a reason. Treat them, and the people you try to punch, with respect.