Chicago becomes MLS's most drawingest drawers with last night's draw

With Thursday night’s draw against Philadelphia, the Chicago Fire made history, setting a MLS record for draws in a season (17). Though plans for an upcoming parade are yet to be announced, taking mediocrity to extraordinary levels will stay with the squad forever.

Injured forward Mike Magee took to Twitter to express his excitement:

A senior official with the Fire expressed astounding ambivalence with the new record, saying, “We have to put this behind us now and keep moving forward. Each week, we have to go out and put forth the exact same amount of effort as our opponents.”

Head coach Frank Yallop began to sway his hips in the team’s locker room after last night’s draw. He explained that winning and losing can be done by anyone, but there’s an underappreciated brilliance to matching your antagonist move-for-move. “It’s the seduction of the draw.”