Great presidents deserve great presidential libraries.
These museums immortalize the deeds and times of our leaders. Presidential libraries preserve historic materials and educate future generations about each man’s time in office. They are monuments to U.S. history; a place where thoughtful citizens can reflect, learn, and draw inspiration about the enduring institution of the American presidency.
This, of course, presents a vexing challenge for what to do in the case of president #45.
How do you dedicate a library to a guy who doesn’t read and can barely express himself in written word? How do you immortalize a presidency that has produced little more than an embarrassing series of scandals and a semi-literate collection of divisive tweets? And what’s the point of even preserving documents from an Oval Office whose occupant didn’t read them in the first place?
I’ve thought neither hard nor long about this problem, but managed to come up with the perfect solution anyway: We need to convert the eight rusting carcasses of Trump’s border wall prototypes into an open-air “Donald J. Trump Presidential Liberry” (misspelled to honor its namesake).
Here’s why it’s a no-brainer:
1) The location is perfect. Trump is essentially persona non grata in his home state and in other cities where his myriad business projects have failed over the years. That basically leaves him with two possible locations for his library: Mar-a-Lago or some undeveloped wasteland.
Trump’s presidential library won’t be a profitable endeavor. Approximately two dozen people are expected to visit the museum in its first year, but annual attendance would most likely drop after the initial excitement wears off. So it’s best to repurpose unused infrastructure on unprofitable real estate than spend money building a new structure on a lucrative golf course. Plus, no place on the planet captures the spirit of the Trump presidency quite like the Mexican border.
2) Trump loves being outdoors. An open-air presidential library is perfect for a man who spent one-third of his presidency taking in fresh air on the golf course. Trump hates to be cooped up inside surrounded by documents and work; his library should reflect that outdoorsy spirit.
3) An incomplete and wasteful border wall is a perfect symbol for Trump’s presidency. Trump promised to build a big, beautiful wall that would span the entire 1,954-mile border and cost Mexico somewhere between $21 billion to $70 billion. Instead, Congress is coughing up $1.6 billion of U.S. taxpayer money to build a small stretch of fencing in some unnoticed and desolate section of the Rio Grande Valley. The Donald J. Trump Presidential Liberry will be equally disappointing.
4) No shelves = no books. Border walls typically don’t have shelving because it could be used as a ladder by drug smugglers. That’s fortuitous because no shelving means no place for books, and Trump hates to read.
5) 8 Walls of interactive fun! The 8 prototypes that comprise the future Donald J. Trump Presidential Liberry will offer visitors a full 20 minutes of fun. But only if the architects follow my blueprint:
Wall #1 features a projector that shows all of the president’s tweets.
Wall #2 displays a running list of indictments against staff from Trump’s campaign and administration.
Wall #3 has looped highlights from Trump’s earlier years as a celebrity wrestler in the WWE.
Walls #4, #5 serve as giant, bilingual greeting cards where visitors can write a message to Trump (the Mexican-facing side of the wall is for messages in Spanish).
Walls #6,#7,#8 will continue to serve our national defense by preventing drug dealers from entering the country.
Presidential libraries are usually built several years after a president leaves office, but I think it’s probably safe to get started on the Donald J. Trump Presidential Liberry now. Mexico might even help pay for it.