What are we reading this morning? Take a look for yourself. Here’s a link dump to go with that cup o’ joe:
- Guess what Jean Claude Van Damme can still do? Guess what Jean Claude Van Damme can still do between two semi trucks moving in reverse? While Enya plays in the background? Oh hell, just watch:
- Dallas public schools make parents sign waivers so their kids can listen to Obama speeches, but this Yahoo Serious-looking motivational speaker gets free rein to tell their kids awesome dating advice like “girls are the most horrible vindictive people this planet has ever seen” and “Men of God are wild…dateable guys aren’t tame.” Make my motivation extra rapey, please!
- The more pronounceable a company’s stock symbol is, the better it performs, because stupid people hate the unfamiliar or something.
- Man rolls himself up in carpet at Ace Hardware, then pees in it, then complains that the officer who arrested him was “smirking.” Did we mention he was a Florida man? Yep, Florida man.
- This Guardian columnist offers solid advice on how to cyber-stalk dates without being crazy, but all I learned is she and her friends have dated some really batshit folks.
- Photographs of the insides of peoples’ fridges, because Slate. Suspiciously clean photographs.
- Have seven-floor Vietnamese tricycle, will travel.
- So THAT’S what Albert Einstein sounded like IRL. You know, German professor-like.