BREAKING NEWS: Presidential Candidates’ Venmo Accounts HACKED!

Breaking news today as the presidential candidates’ Venmo accounts were hacked by an unknown group. While the U.S. government has yet to make an official statement, GOP insiders are fairly certain it was either North Korea or President Obama. The timing of this hack cannot be understated, as the candidates’ campaigns cannot afford any missteps this late in the primaries. Fusion Comedy has managed to obtain access to some of the leaked data, and it’s shocking.

Interestingly, yet shocking no one, Donald Trump has apparently been attempting to get his infamous “wall” constructed, and paid for, before even becoming the official GOP nominee!

trump mexico

The leak has also confirmed the notion that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is, in fact, on Donald Trump’s payroll. Quite inexpensively, we might add.

Trump Christie

Perhaps the most shocking revelation from this hack is that Hillary Clinton may be even cozier with Wall Street than previously imagined…


The most surprising element to this post is not her well-known connection with Wall Street but rather the long-held belief that she preferred burritos to tacos.

In sharp contrast, Ohio Governor John Kasich appears desperate for more attention, begging anyone with ears to listen to him:


Jeb Bush may have ended his campaign, but his biggest support remains in his corner:

barbara bush

And though Secretary Clinton has a comfortable lead in the democratic race, she certainly appears a bit envious of Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders’ connection with the youth of this nation.

new hillary bernie

While the repercussions of this hack have yet to be fully grasped, there is one silver-lining:


Ted Cruz DOES love Nickelback!