A look at Obama’s “Zero F***s” Budget


The full text reads:
February 10, 2016

Dear Congress,

By now you have seen my budget for the next fiscal year. In poring over the numbers, you may have realized that we are all out of fucks to allocate for the coming year. Unfortunately, due to poor planning, most fucks were foolishly spent on things like my birth certificate, the Affordable Care act, gay marriage, and the economy. Don’t worry. I’ve found ways to work around this shortfall in my new budget.

The most obvious new line item in the budget is the new $10 gas tax I’m proposing. This new revenue should more than offset the fucks shortfall, and when we have a citizenry driving electric vehicles and using public transportation, I think we’ll have more than enough fucks to give. In fact, I project a surplus in just five short years, provided we approve this budget.

You’ll also notice we’ve set aside 11 billion dollars for the homeless. One of the major issues the homeless have faced in our country has been the inability for anyone to give a fuck, and now that we’re all out of fucks, I think we should give them money instead. 11 billion dollars. Let’s get that approved with all due haste.

As our office began putting this budget together, we realized that we did have one fuck left to allocate, so I looked at the military budget and asked the team, could we give a fuck? Indeed we could, which is why there is a slight increase in military spending — 2.1% to be exact – in this year’s budget.

We look forward to working with you on getting this budget approved. We would like to avoid another government shutdown, and, as we’ve been more than clear about, we’re all out of fucks to give – so let’s avoid going down that path.

President Barack Obama


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