First impressions are vital, whether you’re on a job interview, up for an audition, or simply competing on The Bachelor. Here’s how the women of season 20 introduced themselves to Ben—and to America—on Monday night’s premiere. (No mini-horses were harmed in the making of this post.)
28. Lauren R.
The math teacher explains that she has an “unfair advantage” because she’s been stalking Ben on social media for months. You and literally everybody else there, lady.
Jessica seems nice, if a little boring, which actually makes me think she might be an ideal match for Ben.
Rachel, who is unemployed, rolls up on a hoverboard. You do you, Rachel.
Bartender Jami tells Ben that, because she too is from Canada, she knows Kaitlyn. And according to the former Bachelorette, he has a “really, really, really big… heart.” Seems kinda weird to bring up the woman who, as we have been reminded throughout this episode, made Ben feel “unlovable,” so why not throw in a dick joke for good measure?
To be perfectly honest, I remember nothing about Amanda’s introduction. This almost definitely bodes well for Amanda.
23. Lauren “LB”
LB seems a little nervous, saying a few things that seem slightly off, like “It’s a long time coming!” and “It’s a big step!” Or maybe she’s not nervous at all, and she just has her own unique vibe going on. I have no idea. Whatever is happening, it’s endearing.
She just passed the bar, so.
Tiara’s first meeting with Ben proves anticlimactic, given that she was last seen smooching chickens on camera, although she is adorably wowed by the set: “This is like Disneyland!”
“My friends call me Red Velvet.”
19. Lauren B.
Because she’s a flight attendant, Lauren B. gives Ben a pair of wings, like he’s a small child visiting the cockpit. “I hope you’re ready to take off on this journey together,” she says.
18. Lauren H.
Lauren H. caught this bouquet at a wedding she attended the previous weekend, or so she says.
“I dress like this every day,” Jennifer announces, but forgets to tell Ben her name. I like Jennifer.
16 and 15. Becca and Amber
Ben thought he’d met all the girls, but then Becca and Amber, both seen on the previous season of The Bachelor, make their surprise entrance. Their competitors aren’t pleased. “It’s open to the public now,” cracks Mandi.
Ben’s fellow software sales manager (isn’t it “romantic,” how they share that?) takes a running leap into Ben’s arms, and though he apparently wasn’t prepared for the leg scoop, he recovers quickly.
“I had to find out if you were the one-sie for me.” If Izzy’s smart, she’ll keep this con going for as long as possible so she can keep chilling in PJs while everyone else has to squeeze into cocktail dresses and stilettos.
“Will you close your eyes for a second?” Lace asks, then steals the first kiss of the season. She goes for a second later on, but Ben demurs, much to her tipsy consternation.
Jackie gifts Ben a save-the-date for their hypothetical future wedding, complete with a personalized hashtag: #tohigginsandtohold.
Jubilee’s pick-up line (is she out of breath because her dress is too tight, or because Ben looked at her?) isn’t anything to write home about, but as a veteran, she gets extra points for being a living, breathing American hero.
This nutritional therapist clearly has some unresolved hostility towards carbs. Because “gluten’s the devil,” she encourages Ben to join her in smashing some baguettes. Romantic? No. Entertaining? Yes.
I’d like to believe this is how the news anchor introduces herself to everyone she meets: “I’m Olivia. Can I hug you?” She and Ben compare dimples; she wins.
She only speaks Russian to Ben, who does not understand Russian. Power move.
6 and 5. Haley and Emily
“We never date the same guys,” the twins explain, which raises an important question: Do twins normally date the same guys?
“I knew you were a catch.”
The very Portland-y Portland dentist invites Ben to “pollinate” her hat, which she says she picked out of her garden for him.
“Unicorns do exist. I think I’m yours.”
Cowgirl Maegan arrives in the company of her pal Huey: “How do you compete with twins? With a fucking mini-horse, that’s how.” I only truly care about two people this season: one of them is Maegan and the other is not a person, he’s a mini-horse.