AC Milan says the fun and games are over for Mario Balotelli

Yesterday, Mario Balotelli’s Liverpool nightmare ended, temporarily, when he arrived in Milan to complete a loan move to one of his previous clubs. Upon his arrival, AC Milan executive director Adriano Galliani announced that Balotelli, one of the world’s most fascinating players, would be strictly bound to behavioral clauses in his contract. He will have to comply with the same code of conduct as members of the Italian Air Force, ironically clipping the wings of the proudest eagle in the European sky.


According to reports, Balotelli will be prohibited from smoking, making social media posts that may damage AC Milan’s image, wearing flamboyant clothes, having wild hair styles, or spending late nights in clubs — essentially the only reasons to be a professional athlete in the first place.

This is garbage. Milan may as well add the final insult and tell Balotelli that he’s playing for free. What has Galliani ever done to think he has the right to deprive the people of Milan– or the world — this man’s indisputable greatness?

Balo… Mario Balotelli!!!

A photo posted by Mario Balotelli🇮🇹🗿👪 (@mb459) on

Maybe you can help me, dear clicker of this SoccerGods dot com link: Why the hell are we even here? What is this even about? By “here” I mean the physical realm of Earth, and by “this” I mean blindly devoted to soccer. What is the the point of a soccer-centric human existence if we are forced to spend our time hurtling through space on a pile of mud, wasting our valuable time watching this sport, if Mario Balotelli isn’t allowed to be his fully glorious self? WHY?!

Why believe that any part of our existence has any real value if AC Milan believes that the way for the great Balotelli to thrive is to force him to adhere to the same code of conduct as the Italian military? WHY?!

As a member of Team Regular Dude, who is nowhere near as socially prosperous as Mario Balotelli, there is no way I could adhere to these nonsense policies for more than three days. At least twice a week I wonder if a tweet is going to get me fired, and I may or may not be hungover right now.

Mario Balotelli is rightfully rich and even more rightfully shameless. He lives the one-percenter life because he’s earned it. Restricting his right to flourish on The Gram or anywhere else is antithetical to the spirit of the beautiful game. Who are the children supposed to look up to?

#pumaxbape @puma @bape_jp

A photo posted by Mario Balotelli🇮🇹🗿👪 (@mb459) on

This is an outrage and a complete miscarriage of justice. This conduct clause was announced more than 24 hours ago, yet Michel Platini and UEFA have yet to release a statement demanding that Milan change course. We all cry about the good of the game, but we’re OK with soccer’s greatest living #lifestyle #brand being caged for the rest of the season? Why?

I’m hurt. I’m disillusioned. I hope AC Milan loses every game they play until Balotelli’s contract is torn up and re-written