Pep Guardiola got into an argument with Nigel De Jong for the most predictable reason possible

The legendary Audi Cup. It’s easily among the most prestigious of all the two-day preseason tournaments sponsored by high-end German auto manufacturers.

With so much at stake, no wonder Pep Guardiola was steaming like an orange-and-white-striped Manhattan air vent when his Bayern Munich side met AC Milan.

Caleb Porter’s friend proved he can do aggression-aggression as well as passive-aggression at half time when he admonished Nigel De Jong for a tackle that injured Joshua Kimmich (not seriously, it turned out).

Check out Guardiola: even when gesticulating at De Jong, he always keeps one hand in his pocket. Part red mist; all suave. I doubt this season will produce a more urbane rant.

Since the Bundesliga is such a procession for Bayern, maybe Guardiola’s just looking for some drama in his life before the season starts.

Of course, getting angry at De Jong for making a terrible tackle is about as useful as criticizing a shark for biting people. It’s just what they do.

Dutch parents warn their children that if they don’t eat their vegetables, Nigel De Jong will come to their bedrooms at night when they’re asleep and tackle them. Fear of the 30-year-old midfielder is why the Netherlands has such a low diabetes rate.

Still, it’s a little surprising that, five years on from this —

— he hasn’t found a career more suited to his talents, like helping Ronda Rousey work on her technique.