Like a soccer Yalta Conference, only with wider-reaching consequences for the world — it’s the annual Premier League managers’ summit!
With the Premier League only a couple of days away from thrusting itself into your face and shouting “LOOK AT ME! I’M RICHER AND MORE OBNOXIOUS THAN DONALD TRUMP!” its top tacticians gathered for their mandatory yearly meeting at League HQ in London on Tuesday.
Disappointingly, EPL HQ turns out to be a low-key and elegant Georgian townhouse near a sushi restaurant a couple of blocks from Oxford St, rather than a nuclear-blast proof bunker with gun turrets and a private underground entrance for use by world leaders.
Security was clearly lacking as some random guy called Alex Neil, who claims to be the manager of Norwich City, was let in without problems.
Who knows what deals that could change the face of soccer were thrashed out by these powerful men behind closed-doors, around a table that almost certainly had plates of sandwiches and cakes?
Who knows if anyone noticed that Tottenham boss Mauricio Pochettino was absent because Spurs had a game in Munich?
Who knows if Alan Pardew and Arsene Wenger started shoving each other in a row over leg room, because Pardew was sitting in front of the table leg, which always sucks?
No one is telling. Some secrets will never leave the room.
Arsene Wenger was smiling. Of course Wenger was smiling — it’s August, and Arsenal are nine months away from finishing fourth. They’re not even going to get knocked out of the Champions League for another seven months.
And look who’s back for the first time in over a decade: Leicester’s Claudio Ranieri, rocking the rarely-seen fashion combination of a blue jacket, gray pants and orange face.
More than anything, this was a rare opportunity to see Tony Pulis not wearing a baseball cap and tracksuit. (He’s bald! Who knew?)