Everyone knows that Sepp Blatter is one of the world’s leading peacemakers and international diplomats.
In fact, it’s thanks to the FIFA boss’s indefatigable spirit and one-love philosophy that over the past 17 years — as FIFA has grown richer and soccer even more powerful and popular — the world has never been safer, with war, famine, terrorism, racism and income inequality all but wiped from the map.
It’s like he told his FIFA colleagues in 2014: “We must become one of today’s pioneers of hope… we must carry that flame of honesty, responsibility and respect… For the game. For the world.”
Sepp Blatter does not just say these words for show. He lives them, every day, as the president of one of our planet’s most transparent and admired sports governing bodies.
And so, friends, we must back the wise judgment of noble Russian president Vladimir Putin, who on Monday called for Blatter to be given a Nobel Prize. Coincidentally, this came after a visit from Blatter to Russia, where he offered full support to the country’s hosting of the 2018 World Cup, despite several major concerns about things like, say, rampant racism.
“I think people like Mr Blatter or the heads of big international sporting federations, or the Olympic Games, deserve special recognition. If there is anyone who deserves the Nobel Prize, it’s those people,” Putin told RTS.
And if you think about it, he’s quite right. Because what harder job could there be than flying around the world, staying in five-star hotels, watching a lot of soccer, going to a few meetings and spending other peoples’ money?
Amid FIFA’s little legal issues — nothing major, you understand — Blatter has stood like a shining beacon of truth and light. In fact, maybe Putin and Blatter should share the award, considering all they’ve done to make this world a better place. As Putin pointed out, what if, with their sneaky corruption investigation, it’s really the Americans who are the corrupt ones? Did anyone think of that apart from Vlad? Bet you wish you had, now. Whole damn thing’s a smokescreen.
Anyway, over to you, Nobel jury.
Thing is, though, would a man with Blatter’s integrity really want to accept an award from such a tainted, discredited body as the Norwegian Nobel Committee? After all, it’s only last month that the Nobel Peace Center ended its support of FIFA’s Handshake for Peace initiative, leading FIFA to point out, entirely fairly and accurately, that the Nobel Peace Center didn’t appear very interested in promoting peace.
But, magnanimous and wise as Blatter is, we’re sure he’ll find it in his heart to forgive the Nobel folks if they do the right thing and pay tribute to the coming end of his glorious reign by making him a laureate, so his name can ring loud like a clarion call for freedom, justice and humanity, alongside the likes of Malala Yousafzai, Aung San Suu Kyi and Nelson Mandela.
And give United Passions the Best Picture Oscar, while we’re at it.