The beautiful part of summer Mondays in the soccer world is the chance to look back and reflect on what’s really important in the game; namely, what players did over the weekend. With that laser-like priority focus in mind, let’s use the magic of Instagram and take a trip to Las Vegas with Neymar and some of his Entourage-lookin’-ass friends.
Let’s kick this off on Saturday with this incredible shot of Neymar and his crew rolling through their Vegas hotal lobby, possibly after committing a heist at that Jack Threads menswear place that spams all of your social media feeds. Team Neymar is boasting a 67% outdoor-to-indoor sunglasses conversion rate, 84% on tank tops and 100% coordination on shorts and flip-flops. This squad is unified with a singular vision. They’re ready for a weekend of complimentary shrimp and peach bellinis from a can.
There’s one big problem, though. How did Neymar not set this video to music? Chris Brown and Tyga work way too hard to make trash music for dudes to walk through Vegas hotels to. For Neymar and his crew to not utilize their expertise is a bit disrespectful to the art form of Hip-Hop For Bros.
Elevator mirror group selfies are some next level shit. That’s high-income social media work. Judging by this photo, Neymar’s friend in the black hat is the one who always has to be reminded that any problems will mess up the money, and all these free trips will come to an end. His boy in the blue hat has the look of a man who could catch a bottle over his head for talking to the wrong girl in VIP, and the one in the back is definitely the “Guys, I think it’s time to call it a night” friend. It’s probably not a coincidence that he looks a little bit like Kaká.
This is a special photo. If there were global power rankings for world’s softest superstars, you’d be looking at two of the top five. To Neymar’s left is James Harden, the wildly talented, flashy, desperate to draw a foul guard for the NBA’s Houston Rockets – quite possibly the Neymar of basketball. It’s destiny that these two should meet and discuss new advancements in the field of flopping science. The other dude is Harden’s teammate Trevor Ariza. It’s cool if you don’t know who he is.
Maybe it’s harsh to call Neymar soft. If he went to this weekend’s UFC fights, he could be trying to change his image and toughen up a bit. Either that, or he knows that one of these days, all those tricks he tries to pull off are going to end with someone taking a swing at him. He needs to be able to defend himself.
Aquatic recreational time with the homies. Notice there are only five friends here. Who’s missing? Young Kaká, of course. He’s probably off to the side somewhere telling strangers to repent and giving “You don’t have to do this” speeches to a dancer he met somewhere.
Neymar had the chance to meet Michael Jordan while in Vegas. He is now undoubtedly wise in the ways of shopping for high-end dad jeans and avoiding the pitfalls of gambling debt. Neymar is growing up.
Now we know that Neymar was staying at the Aria Sky Suites. Let’s assume he chose their most luxurious option, the Sky Villa.
“Taking extravagance to a new level, our Sky Villas feature panoramic windows to allow you to cast your eyes upon the lights of Las Vegas and absorb the energy that pulses from the streets to your soul.”
“The Sky Villas are available on a very limited basis. Rates starting from $3,500 to $7,500 per night.”
Making Neymar’s soul pulse only cost a maximum of $7,500 a night, but people say that modern players are too expensive. Those rates seem reasonable.
Overall, this looks like a pretty solid trip for Team Neymar. Lots of personal growth and valuable experience was gained. It wasn’t as good as Cristiano Ronaldo’s recent trip to Vegas — where returning a woman’s lost cell phone led to to Ronny having dinner with her and her lovely friends — but that’s nothing new. While Neymar is racing toward being in the best-in-the-world conversation, he isn’t quite there yet.