Because he is afraid of koalas and is convinced the cuddly marsupials are vicious killing machines, Liverpool forward Raheem Sterling doesn’t want to go on the team’s tour of Australia and Asia.
A cynic might suggest this is not unrelated to his long-held desire to leave Anfield, most likely for Manchester City. His crazy, irrational desire to get paid more money while playing for a better team is not being received well at Liverpool, though, hence a standoff that will likely continue until the last day of the transfer window, or until City offer twice as much as he’s worth. About 50 million pounds should do it.
But have you seen the size of Sterling? The kid’s tiny. Not exactly made for life in Oz. It’s impossible to rule out the risk that a crazed kangaroo will confuse him with her joey, stuff him into her pouch and bound off into the bush with him. And that kind of event wouldn’t be covered by his travel insurance. And let’s not get started about those killer spiders that hide under toilet seats.
Honestly, when faced with a 24-hour flight just to get to all that, who can blame the 20-year-old for looking at the tour and thinking fuck that shit, I’m staying at home.
That said, Sterling doesn’t appear willing to travel to Liverpool’s training ground, either, and that’s very close to his house and unlikely to be infested with aggressive wildlife, other than Martin Skrtel.
The Liverpool Echo reports Sterling has failed to turn up to training for a second consecutive day, having called in sick. (Or maybe emailed or texted in sick. That’s unknown.)
Raheem, how about either taking some Advil and getting on with your day? That, or put in that formal transfer request?