Gervinho denies helicopter and private beach demands but is still a perfect fit for a MLS Miami

That story about Gervinho turning down a move to Abu Dhabi outfit Al-Jazira because they refused his demand for a private beach and a helicopter? Alas, false, according to the Roma attacker.

“I read of helicopters, private beaches and plane tickets. I have no idea where that information comes from, but I have never demanded such things. When I sign a contract I don’t care about those things: everything that has been said about me is false,” he told France Football.

See, the Ivory Coast international is just a humble guy. He doesn’t need much. He doesn’t need material things, just companionship.

Still, don’t sell yourself short, Gervinho. Your strike rate of a goal every five games in Serie A and the English Premier League surely entitles you to some VIP perks if a man of your stature moves to the United Arab Emirates.

In reality, though, this was all a carefully calculated set-up, because Gervinho’s playing the long game. Beaches, VIP treatment, private air travel, the trappings of wealth and glamor: he’s sowing the seeds for a move to MLS. Specifically, Miami.

Think about it: he’s image conscious (check the hair); he played with Arsenal, and David Beckham’s son Brooklyn trained in the club’s academy; he’s been mentioned in connection with sun, sand and fun. He’s not quite good enough for a top-level European team, but he’s still fairly well-known and reassuringly expensive. And by the time south Florida gets its new franchise, he’ll be over 30 and will fit the Designated Player mold perfectly.

Yeah, pretty much a done deal, when you think about it. It’s only a matter of time before someone spots him on South Beach wearing a Heat baseball cap.